theinnkeeperlibrarian:

leepacey:

a restaurant in my hometown got a review that said the servers should “show some skin” so the owner added a potato skin special to the menu and all the proceeds from the special go to the west virginia foundation for rape information services (x)

That’s exactly the appropriate response.

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mszombi:

meladoodle:

one time when i was like 12 my dad wanted me to put a dvd in the dvd player and i was like ‘what do i get in return’ and he said ‘you can have half of the winnings of this stupid lotto ticket’ and he ended up winning 600,000 dollars and i was so pleased with myself. 300,000 dollars when youre 12 is pretty much like infinity dollars. he was so mad

Shit, man, $300,000 would be like infinity dollars to me now.

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reasonsmysoniscrying:

3yo (after discovering the flap in the front of his underpants): “It’s a secret passage…TO MY PENIS!”

Also read:

19yo college student (after having 7 beers.)

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How residents react when I explain to them why we aren’t allowed to have appliances in the building

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Roommates

My roommates said they were all clean individuals. One week of class has proved this to be a lie.

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